I just hate it sometimes… for tonight would have been my first “Date” or drink or whatever it was meant to be, with this girl Dan set me up with from his work place. It’s been about 4-5 weeks in the process when one evening Dan asked me if I “Would I be willing to let this girl have your number?” at the time, I thought to myself “Why not?” at the time.
Only one trouble was with the timing of giving this girl my number… my exams were days away I was amidst a fight with my exams in order to try perform and achieve success in them, unlike previous years of trying.
It became evident a few days after of what I let myself in for when; I started getting many texts from her. Normally I don’t use my phone that much… but throughout the month of May and June the amount of texts I got rocketed. The amount of messages in my inbox doubled in size and I realised how awkward I was beginning to feel about the whole situation.
I felt really bad, because the girl in question was being so genuinely kind, but I was getting cold feet or second thoughts about meeting up with her for a drink. I didn’t like the idea of meeting someone I have never ever spoken to before in my life, and with myself being so shy anyway I was really panicking about meeting her.
Trouble was I didn’t know how to say I didn’t want to, not want to be harsh or be a complete wanker about it, I tried my best to explain to her over facebook why I didn’t want to go. I felt awful, I hated doing this, and I was half expecting a barrage of abuse from the message back from her.
To her credit she sent me a friendly message back, saying she was fine about me not wanting to go. I have huge respect for her towards the way she conducted her response to my message on facebook. You cannot buy class like that and I was ashamed that I didn’t go for a drink with her.
If only this was 2-3 years down the line, where I’ll probably be more confident and better social skills there is no doubt I would have jumped at the chance later on in life, but I don’t think I am ready for it just yet. The idea completely freaked me out after giving it much thought and the most frustrating part if that there was this side to me that really desperately wanted to go, but there was other side that was taking over any confidence I had and reluctantly I had to pull out.
Today was an alright day, in which I just went in for my media lesson, which we sat there for most of the lesson watching tutorials on how to use Final Cut Pro and my group were spending the lesson editing the video clips we compiled together the previous lesson, it really was exciting stuff.
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